Not my Vertue

As a requirement to be approved to get Little Landmark David and I have to complete so many hours of education. That education comes in the forms of seminars, webinars, and books. Recently I finished reading Adopted for Life.

Let me start my thoughts of this book with: READ IT! If you love Jesus, read it. If you know someone that's adopted, read it. If you want to adopt, read it. If you know someone that's adopting, read it. If you are adopted, read it. Again, if you love Jesus, READ IT!

So, now that you plan on reading it, let me share what blew my mind: But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. Romans 8:25

.............................................................................................................................................. Let us continue this moment of silence for us to examine our hearts and that God DOES address us RIGHT WHERE WE'RE AT! .............................................................................................................................

I mean, really. Let me say that in my family, both sides, there is not a drop of patients in our blood. There is some patients that has been earned, fought for, forced, and graciously given, but NOT A DROP was put there naturally. You can imagine how well that goes over with infertility. Five and a half years of infertility. And you can imagine how well this goes over with waiting for my baby through adoption. Yep. Whatever you're thinking, that's how well it goes over.

When I read this verse from Adopted for Life I pretty much cried. I was relieved that God actually has called me to wait for what I want. I was annoyed that God has called me to wait for what I want. I was amazed that God calls US to wait for what we want.

I want to honor God. I want to be patient through this process. I want to wait with grace. I want His glory and light to shine through me as I wait. Isn't that part of what patients is? Waiting graciously?

I googled (good ol' google) the definition of patients. Here's what I got: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

I would like to confess I have not done this well. I have been very angry and upset pretty much through it all. My basic and daily thought process has been: GIVE ME MY BABY! God gave me this desire to have a family, why can't I have it?!

So when I read that verse... I sat with my cup of coffee. Broken. Full of desire. Shame. Relief. And the will to move forward in this journey as patiently as possible so I can get out of God's way.